ARGH$$&#^#!@&^@!%@*R#*#^^

I hate my washing machine.

It has a setting for "handwash." I thought I could set it and it would fill with water and STOP so I could handwash a sweater I just finished. I just finished after months of working on it, after having to do the first sleeve two times because it didn't turn out right...

but no. The washer kept going and I sat here at my desk completely oblivious to the fact that the sweater was getting STRETCHED OUT terribly.

I jumped up thinking OH SHIT THE WASHER IS WASHING and by the time I got it stopped, the fucking sweater was huge. So I threw it in some hot water and then in the dryer for a little bit. Okay so far. A few more minutes and it's fucked. It's totally too small now and it's for someone who is over 6 feet tall. It's already a very late birthday present and I feel like a GIANT FUCKING FAILURE.

It was SO pretty. It was the first thing I ever made for my second kid - son number 1. He was 9 when I started knitting and he was growing so much that I wasn't prepared mentally to make him something he wouldn't wear for as long as it took me to make it.

Then I found this pattern and thought "WOW! That would look so good on Kid2." And I found the perfect yarn in a really dark green and thought "WOW that would look so good on Kid2."

and it's ruined.

Podcast

I keep forgetting to put that on this blog. We're doing a pod cast now. It's 40 Acres and a Fool - mostly my husband. He started it, thought I'd like to show up once in a while, and now it's a gig.

We talk about current events, farm stuff, critters, gardening, cooking, politics, history, whatever pops into our heads mostly.

40 Acres and a Fool

My Scar

I don't think I've shared this before. 

That's the scar from the tumor surgery; it's about six inches long. The two smaller scars below and right are from the two drains that were left in for about four days after the surgery. 

Not easy to tell there was a problem, right? Until, that is, all my hair fell out. 

Election Day!

Worst election choices ever. Hillary Clinton (D) vs Donald Trump (R ). 

Crook vs Crazy

Surgery Consultation

Met with the surgeon on Tuesday and I'm less freaked out now. One should never look up medical issues on the internet; way too much information.

I asked Dr. S. on a scale of 1 to 10, how difficult is this surgery for you? He smiled at me. He said he took someone's heart out the day before and put it back together. My operation is fairly simple. He then went on to explain where the incision will be, the process for getting into the chest cavity. I'm happy they don't have to break any ribs! And I've already decided that I'm going to get a shark tooth tattoo that looks like it's breaking the skin at the scar. Long story short, while at the beach one summer, the kids were being assholes to one another, and my husband gave them a talk about being siblings and being on the same team and we were Team Shark Tooth and we needed to all have one another's backs. Then he bought them all a shark tooth necklace. So this is my Team Shark Tooth tribute.

Anyway, surgery is on the 16th of September. Pre-operational testing is on the 15th. The hospital has an inn for patients and their families so I have a room already reserved for the 15th. Husband will drop me off in the morning for the testing and come back in the evening, take me out to dinner, and then we'll stay at the inn. He'll accompany me to the hospital for surgery the next morning, and when I'm out and everything is good, he'll head home to let the kids know I'm okay. Then they can come visit over the weekend.

My oldest daughter is coming from Tulsa to help with the house, kids, and critters and that is a big relief. 

Health Issues

I had to have a PET scan today, so I had to take out all my earrings. All five pair :)

I feel so naked!

The steroids didn't have any affect on the dense mass in my lower left lung. The doctors are perplexed. So the next course of action was a PET scan. It's nuclear medicine. The technician sticks an IV in and injects some radioactive material. Wait one hour while it makes its way around the system. 

Then the PET scan itself. Very uneventful. I lay as still as a dead person. Well, at least one who can breathe. That took about 30 minutes. I almost fell asleep; I caught myself and stopped a sleep jerk. You know that feeling when you're not quite asleep and a body part decides to to a *spaz* movement. Glad I caught it; I'm sure we'd have to start the test again. It wasn't claustrophobic because you don't stay in the "tunnel" thing; however, it could be problematic for some people in that they wrap your arms at your sides like a mini burrito. Better than having to extend my arms over my head for 30 minutes. 

The theory is that the mass should be the only thing the reacts to the nuclear medicine: the only glowing area. If that's the case, surgery to remove it. If, however, there are multiple glowing bits, then treat for cancer. 

I hope this yields something! I already have an appointment with a thoracic surgeon at the end of the month. 

And I should hear something about the PET scan next week. 

Fingers crossed. 

Summer of 2016 Sucked

May rained the entire month and was cold and miserable. We kept trying to find the right time for us and the garden and it never worked out well. Then on May 27th, I thought I was having a heart attack in the middle of the day.

I called my doctor and they said get to the emergency room. So I drove myself 26 miles or so to get there. Got hooked up to an EKG and no heart issues. One chest xray and on CT scan later, and they found a large dense mass in my lower left lung. So home I went with the diagnosis of pneumonia and a prescription for antibiotics.

One week later, and I still feel out of breath and exhausted. Went to the family doctor and he gave me what I thought was a decongestant but it was a cough suppresent. With that at least I could get some sleep so I wasn't so exhausted anymore but still didn't feel right. Had a follow -up appointment  with a pulmonologist on July 19 and he didn't like the sound of my lungs, so I had to go back to the hospital for another CT scan.

The mass was unchanged. Still large. Not larger. Not smaller, It didn't look like cancer and frankly the doctor was puzzled. So after that? bronchoscopy. The doctor takes a small tube, shoves it up your nose, and down into your lungs. I was promised that I would be "heavily sedated" but I was aware and awake the whole damn time. So much for that.

Go back in a week to find out the results of the biopsy only to be told they only know what it's not. It's not an infection. It's no fungal. They are pretty sure it's not cancer and they really have no idea. What now then?

Prednisone for two weeks and then another chest xray. They are treating with prednisone because they think it's Bronchiolitis obliterans organizing pneumonia (BOOP), also known as cryptogenic organizing pneumonia, is a form of non-infectious pneumonia; more specifically, BOOP is an inflammation of the bronchioles (bronchiolitis) and surrounding tissue in the lungs.

My garden is a shambles. It's been so muggy and humid this summer that staying outside for longer than 15 minutes has me wheezing and struggling to breath. 

No tomatoes for sauce or canning. No peppers for making into hot sauce. This year has been a failure. The goats stopped producing enough milk to bother to milk them anymore because of the heat. My rooster got snatched by something over the weekend and he was my  last original chicken. And my hens seem to be on strike and we haven't gotten an egg in about a week.

Fuck my farm this year.